Things I Now Know About “Kyle”

We have all had them. Those neighbors who just can’t seem to get along. Those neighbors who smile at you in the hallway, but then keep you up to all hours with their screaming tirades that border on domestic abuse.  Those neighbors that make you acutely aware that if you can hear them, they can certainly hear you….and your off key shower singing.

Once again last night I was awoken in the dead of night by the high pitched shrill of the woman next door ripping her husband a new one. This was particularly annoying for me as I have not been sleeping well as of late and had finally broken down and taken some medication to help with staying asleep. It’s a weekly to biweekly event that has occurred since they moved in next door to me in July.  I’ve learned quite a lot about their martial discord.

Unfortunately because the majority of the fighting is one sided, in that I can only ever hear the woman (Harpy as I like to call her) screaming hysterically (I honestly have never heard someone actually be hysterical…it’s quite frightening) and her husband gently trying to persuade her to calm down. So here are some things I have learned recently through the walls about my neighbor “Kyle” (names may have been changed).

-He has an affinity for the wacky tobacky.

-His man bits don’t work as well as his wife would like.

– Surprisingly he doesn’t want to be intimate with his wife as much as she might like.

-She thinks begging for physical contact is humiliating.

-He has bad credit.

– He contacts ladies on Facebook that she is not keen on him talking to.

-He likes to sing Christmas Carols when he is drunk. Actually doesn’t have a bad singing voice.

So to all you midnight fighters please remember that your neighbors can hear you, don’t appreciate being woken up by your martial issues, and don’t particularly care whether you are getting any or not. Given access to the internet they may just write about what they hear.

Conversely, I apologize for my bad singing and talking to my cat.




One thought on “Things I Now Know About “Kyle”

  1. Pingback: 4 Passive Aggressive Ways of Dealing with Fighting Neighbours or I Was Woken Up at 1 AM Again | Reading Over People's Shoulders...

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