When I was in university I had a friend who would judge people’s worth based on their ability to match socks. Once, while we were on our way to get groceries, we passed a random stranger on the street and she turned to me and said, “what kind of person wears white socks with black pants?”
That was the start of my rebellion against matching socks. I knew in that moment that the rigid regime of matching socks with your pants, shoes, or each other needed to be toppled. I would no longer be a slave to matching conventions. I would rise up for all the people who didn’t have clean black socks to wear with their black pants.
When I became a teacher I decided I needed a ‘thing’. My mentor had a crazy pen collection. So I, the fires of opposing sock oppression still burning within my soul, would have a crazy sock collection. Not only would I refuse to wear socks that matched based on colour, size, or type but I would go out of my way to get the brightest, most obnoxious socks possible. If they didn’t want to hire me based on my qualifications, experience, and passion because I wore neon green socks- well that wasn’t a place I wanted to work anyway.
There’s a freedom that comes with wearing ridiculously coloured socks. If the laundry gnomes takes one to be their weekly sacrifice to the Tide gods- that’s fine just throw on a neon pink sock with that orange one. Only have a light purple and dark purple sock left? Throw those bad boys on and call it a day- at least they are in the same colour family.
Why buy new socks when you have dozens of perfectly good ones? It’s okay if the sock drawer looks like a 70’s swingers orgy. So what if one half of a pair vanished into the nest the cat keeps under the couch? Throw on that knee high with that ankle cut! If you catch anyone staring at your foot coverings of choice give them a nice long look in the eye. A look that says: “I know you have a foot fetish because of the inordinate amount of time you are spending staring at mine.”
I’m not going to rush out to get a new pair every time a sock goes missing-which is always. I’m not going to spend ages matching socks on laundry day. I’m just too lazy for that.